God's Amazing Creation

God's Amazing Creation

About Me

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I love God!! I am a travelling RN working in labor & delivery. I have an AWESOME son & daughter in law and a brand new grandson! They will be fabulous parents because THEY are outstanding. I love the Seattle Seahawks...my favorite player hands down is Richard Sherman for a number of reasons. I love to draw portraits and I am dabbling with mixed media painting...I suppose I'm an artist! I love photography, but I'm a novice & am constantly practicing as I make my way through God's wonderful creation.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

A Tribute to My Most Favorite

A Phone Call
Today is the 2nd anniversary of the day before I received the most life changing news I'd ever received. Two days before one of the most painful and worst days of my life. I'm at work and the phone rings....

Linda (crying): "Ang, I've got something to tell you, and it's not good news honey."
Me (mind racing): "What is it Mom? Tell me!"
Linda: "It's your Dad honey...something happened..."
Me: "No! No it can't be...is he okay?"
Linda: "I'm afraid not honey, he's had a stroke...a bleed in his head and it's bad Ang, really bad. They don't think he can pull through."
Me: "I.....I.....don't know what to say. I'll be there as quickly as I can."

 A Frenzy
I'm immediately on the phone. I call the airlines and book a flight for me and Kory for noon that day. I tell my boss I'm going to have to go. I'm crying so hard I can't call Randy (my husband at the time) to come pick me up so my boss calls him for me.

A Trip
The next week is like a surreal dream. One I wish I could wake up from, but never did. Kory left school, I left work...we packed in a frenzy & were driven to the airport by a resentful man (because of the $ spent on the plane tickets) and we were on our way. A full day of flying. 6 hours of actual air time. It was so difficult to be 'social' with the happy people around me while my insides were screaming "Wipe the smile off your faces! Don't you understand?!?!" I ordered a glass of wine on the plane, hoping that it would calm my nerves just a bit. FAIL What can calm you at a time like this? We arrived in Spokane, and Mom picked us up from the airport (alone, thankfully...story for another day) and drove us straight to the ICU at Sacred Heart where Dad and the rest of the family was.

A Realization
I can not describe to this day the flood of emotions I felt when I saw him laying there in his hospital bed. Ventilator breathing for him. EKG leads hooked up to his chest. As am ICU nurse, this should have been at least a tiny bit manageable, right? WRONG. My knees buckled & Mom & Kory were there for me to grab for support. I thought, "Maybe if I walk over and touch his hand, he will respond somehow. There will surely be something left there.....surely" Once I composed myself and felt that my legs would actually hold me up to walk over to him...I went, slowly. I stood next to him and stared. I pulled up an eyelid to see if there was any hint of life in that beautiful blue eye. Nothing. It was as glazed over and empty as the hundreds I'd seen up until this point. I knew it was over for him. Had been over for him well before I arrived. They were gracious enough to keep the 'life support' going until I could be there to watch what little involuntary system functions shut down. It didn't take but just a few minutes for me to start barking demands. "Turn it OFF!! Unplug it! He's gone, can't you see that? PLEASE! Get it off of him!" Immediately as they turned the ventilator off, my anger kicked in. The nurses didn't know what to do with me as I was ripping the monitor leads off his chest & fingers, pulling out the IVs. It was mere moments after they turned the machines off before I felt his heart stop beating. His body never tried to take another breath. He was really gone. My hero, my apostle Paul, my Dad was really gone.

A Fog
The next few days were a series of making arrangements for the funeral, his attire for the casket, who would ride with whom, what time to meet for this and that, the post funeral gathering where you 'make nice' with all the people who are there to pay condolences, blah blah blah. It was a fog. I walked through a faith shaking fog of despair and disbelief. I made attempts to socialize with my step sisters & step Mom (Linda), my Mom and her husband, my Nana...and anyone else who was present at the time, but I was in such a state I'm not sure I can describe or even understand myself the way I felt. Unsocial is an understatement. I did not want to talk to anyone about anything. I wanted Kory in the room with me, and nothing else. I tried to lean on Mom, and she tried, but was prevented by her ever so needy husband, to console me at one point after we left the hospital on that dreadful day. (It was then that I had to leave Mom and go stay at Nana's house until after the funeral because I was in no position to properly deal with this man.) Nana is a quiet woman, and she has been around the block, so she was very sensitive to me and my need to be silent. The way I was able to sleep was by drinking wine until I absolutely not stay upright any longer, and even then the sleep was short lived. Yeah, there was a tear in my (beer) wine. Not the best way to deal with a crisis, but it's what I did.

A Gift 
For me, honestly, the best thing about the entire experience was the fact that I had an unbelieveably mature son by my side every second of the day who helped me hold myself together. I'm sure I would have made it through somehow, but he lightened my load so much just by being himself and simply being present. A true gift from God.
**Side note regarding this: Kory has not ever been one who can handle people being too touchy feely with him. He gives a quick hug, kiss on the cheek or forehead, but don't expect any cuddling or holding hands, etc. It's just not in his personality.
The entire trip, Kory was right next to me. It was almost as if he was trying to protect me from my feelings and the horror of the entire thing. He sat next to me with his hand on my shoulder. He let me hold on to him when I just couldn't take it anymore and I was breaking down. He didn't leave the room I was in except for bathroom breaks. He encouraged me to hang up the phone when my ex was hounding me about the cost of this trip. He was my sounding board. He let me sleep next to him on the queen sized hide-a-bed at Nana's house and he forfeited the double bed at Mom's house to sleep in the recliner next to Mom's couch, where I slept. He simply was my rock. He was just 17 years old, and he was my stronghold. He is so much like my Dad, that I guess I should have expected it, and many times I know I've taken him for granted, but he proved to me in this experience the stellar young man he was, and he continues to do so even today.

A Funeral
The day of the funeral (December 17th, 2008) was the day the snow began. Not just a little snow...a blizzard. While in Spokane, I was afforded the privelage of driving my Dad's Dodge Ram. I'm not a Dodge fan, but it was perfect for the task of maneuvering through the snow packed city. In the back window of Dad's truck in huge letters it said, "If you were tried in court today for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?" Yes, my apostle Paul. I need not go into the background of Phillip Eugene Queen to explain the fact that his existence on earth truly parallelled Paul's. At the funeral, we (my step sisters and myself) were given the opportunity to give a eulogy on Dad's behalf. My step-sister, Amy got up first and she read a passage from the Bible....the very same passage I had intended to read.
2Timothy 2: 1 I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom;

2 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine.
3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
4 And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
5 But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.
6 For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. 7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:
8 Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.
Amazing how two people who knew Dad in different ways would choose the exact same passage out of the Bible for his eulogy. It says much about the man he had grown to become. The man he was. The man I loved. My Dad.

A New Day 
After the funeral, Kory and I spent a couple days with Linda. We tried to console Larry (Dad's companion and devout Phil Queen fan, an African Grey Parrot.) Larry actually sat on my leg and puffed himself up to snooze...Linda said this was something Larry only did with Dad, and since that horrible day, he would not even do that with her. Larry sensed the connection. We helped shovel the snow that continued to fall throughout the next several days. We decided that he died exactly when he did just to get out of having to shovel. :) I know that Dad never would have actually done that, but it was a bit of much needed comic relief after a very grueling several days. Since the airports were closed due to the blizzard, we spent a couple days at Mom's after it was all over. We went sledding down the hill behind Mom's house, we went to 49 Degrees North and went skiing. We made the most out of the rest of the visit. Kory was literally waist deep in snow out in 9 mile where Mom lived at the time. It snowed ALOT! I love snow and had not seen any real snow for years (being stuck in Arkansas) so it was a blessing from God to give me something I truly loved to go along with the worst experience of my life.

A Thought
I know I'm not the only person to ever lose someone so close to me. I don't think there is really an 'appropriate' way to act or feel when it happens to you. I'm sure that things could have been done differently...(yes, it's me, the WAY over-analyzer) but we made it through. Yes, it's been 2 years now. I don't know when or if this pain will go away, but it is strong and steady still today. There's not a day that goes by in which I don't think about him. I will pick up my phone (in which his contact name & number remains...I can't delete it) sometimes and want to call and tell him something extraordinary, or pick his brain about a Biblical topic...I have to believe that somehow he still helps me out in whatever way a spirit can help us here...and I have to believe that he's in Christ's bosom, comforted.

I miss you every day Dad.
I know we'll see each other again on the other side!









Friday, November 26, 2010

Looking Back....

HA!
I went back to the beginning and read my entire blog.
Sometimes, I am frightening, even to myself!
Then....I look back into the journals I have at home. The emotions penned within.
The (copied & saved) e-mail conversations.
"Notes" saved on my iPhone.
There have been a couple of times when there was actually a tiny hint of effort...
I know, however, the motivation behind those times. I won't elaborate because, publically, it's inappropriate.

AND I WONDER...
What in the world took me SO long to open my eyes to the reality of my situation?
I've been asked this question on numerous occasions.
How would I respond? My 'Pat' answer was:
"I have to do everything in my power or God will not be pleased with me."
Poor Kory. I hate that I put him through this. They say children are resilient.
TRUE!
Kory tells me that he knows without a doubt that I was always looking out for his best interest and that he's happy things turned out the way they have. He would have been overjoyed if I had just taken him out of the situation, but he is even happier now because it gave him the opportunity to see things clearly. No doubt in his mind that I have done the right thing. No doubt in mine either.

NOW....
No more:
"You can't work there!"
or
"That is so stupid!"
or
"You could really stand to lose some weight!"
or
"Let me say this real slow so you can get it:...."
or
"Did I not type that slow enough for you?"
or
"You are certifiably insane, crazy, loony...you need help"
or
"Isn't there a pill or something you can take for that?"
or
"Maybe if you weren't so difficult..."
or
"Why don't you do more around here?"
or
"I'm not trashing, If I spoke truth about you, that would be trashing."
or 
"I've had to mow the lawn the last 3 times...."
or
"You need to work more hours"
or
"Maybe if you weren't so lazy & irresponsible....."
or
"All you care about is Kory."
or
"If you would pay attention to what I want, things would improve a lot"
or
"You don't even cook anything unless Kory wants it..."
(**Side note - REALLY????? You're so darn nice to me all the time, I can't imagine why I'm not compelled to do more for you!!)

Yeah, so some of this stuff is blazed into my pshyche like a brand, others I have actually just read in my e-mail or text messeges....
WOW!!
This explains and validates the feelings of inadequacy and the severely DARK moods and emotions I've experienced for all these years!
In reading parenting books, it is taught so clearly that what you repeatedly tell your child will quite possiblty eventually materialize...
So if you tell them they can do anything they put their minds to, or that they are really great Christian examples, or that they are beautiful inside & out, etc etc, then they will be!
AND VICE VERSA
That would lead me to believe that more negative reinforcement= a negative outcome!
DUH!!

I truly truly did everything I possibly could to prevent this demise.
BUT
I will say that since I FINALLY made the (quite educated) decision,
I have found peace.
I looked to the Lord, and He graciously answered my prayers.
God is love, and He grants me the opportunity to feel His love when I need it the most.
Only He knows the answers to all of my questions.  

Again, I thank you Lord for taking better care of me than anyone on this earth could.
I know I don't deserve your love and I am so very grateful for the grace You show me.
I know I've made the right decision and I know You will continue to care for me.
I love you. Thank you.


Thursday, November 25, 2010

Giving Thanks...

So many things to be thankful for today!

The most amazing son in the world.
Good Friends
A Loving Mommy
LOVE
The Ocean
Grizzly Bears
Great Co-workers
Snow Days
Pit Bulls
The time I had with Dad before he went to be with the Lord.
Kittens
Long walks on the beach.
Bunny Rabbits
Sunsets
ENDORPHINS!
Mountains
Camp fires
Deer
and SO MANY MORE!
BUT-
Most of all:
CHRIST!



Saturday, November 13, 2010

Turn It Up!!

"Over You"
Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.


"Last Kiss Goodbye"
Hinder


It's coming down outside another lonely night
You said you were just going out with your friends
I'm waiting up this time I hope you didn't lie
It never used to be like this way back when


I never know where you're at
Another train off the tracks
I don't wanna live like that, no

When you walked in so darn late
What the heck was I supposed to think
When you've had too much to drink
And you're really lookin guilty
When you wouldn't even look at me
There's only one thing it could be
You were with her all this time
Here's one last kiss goodbye

No more alibi's
No more little lies
You've broke my trust and it can't be fixed
Should've seen the signs
Should've recognized
The way your lips look like they'd been kissed

How'd we end up like that
Another train off the tracks
It always hurts looking back now
Another lesson learned in life
And I keep asking myself why












Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Game Day!

GAME DAY!!
The weather was stellar.
The atmosphere was
awesome.
Well, it started off that way!

 Okay, so it was a Seahawks home game and I should have been rooting for the home team, since the Pacific NW is my home...BUT
Yes, I must admit...this man (below) is the real reason I had to go to the game.
I am definitely a "player" fan rather than necessarily a "team" fan.
Just in case someone reading doesn't know.....
Eli Manning is the MAN!!
So he just kept struttin his stuff...modestly, of course, as a Manning boy would.


 So...the Seahawk was pretty frustrated! The end of the first quarter was quite a foreshadowing...24-0.

aaaaaannnndddd, the big D was quite frustrated as well!


Of course, this did not stop Eli from tearing it up!
I'm sure his team....NY Giants did help, but hey...I was there to watch who I was there to watch, right?
RIGHT!


So....all my crazy yelling & cheering finally payed off in the 4th Quarter--
I'm sure he was looking right at my camera & striking a pose for me to capture.
LOL...pshhh, yea, right!


Final score? 41-7
The worst home loss in Seahawk history.
I think the NY coach was tryin to get Eli to take off his helmet so he could plant a big kiss!



So when the Seahawks made their one score....
They ran the flags across the field :)

                                      

Half time entertainment (above)
While soldiers paraded around the perimeter of the field
and all the fans soluted them.
Thank God for our troops!!
  
This football of helmets is in the foyer of Qwest field.
 Some amazing scenery on the way back to the ferry terminal.

Not much is more beautiful than the Seattle skyline...
It was so serene standing on the deck of the ferry, wind blowing through my hair, watching the sun create colorful reflections off the skyscrapers.
The day was simply marvelous :)
I thank God that I was privelaged to experience it!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

God's Wisdom

It just never ceases to amaze me how God works in my life. There are times when I feel I've had all that I can possibly handle and I'm about as low as I can possibly be....and that's when God sends me 'helpers'.
In all of the searches and studies that I've been involved with over the years, it seems that the Holy Spirit is our 'Helper' and will come to us in a variety of ways, some we may never even be aware of.
I have been so low in the past month or so.
I've been struggling so much with many things in many ways...mainly spiritually. The divorce has really been the kicker because it's something I said I would never do, no matter what. I feel like I've got no choice. I could list the many reasons for this decision, and I could 'bash' him for all the things he's done to contribute to the demise of this union, but I'm not into bashing anyone except myself! Rather than focus on the negative...
In just the past week I have: 
** Had 3 total strangers offer for me to follow their blogs, all of which are (seemingly according to their respective blogs) die-hard followers of Christ and they share their (God's) wisdom in their writings.
** Had my very best friend, who I was 'astranged' from for the past 4 years due to neglect of our friendship (mostly on my part) grant me forgiveness and we have re-connected, which brings me great joy!!
** Received numerous, stellar compliments from several different individuals in my personal and professional life. 
** Started to feel like I may actually be worth something after all.

Great breakthroughs! I ride this emotional rollercoaster continuously and the nadir was probably the lowest it's ever been this time. When I get into these nadirs, I know that I have to look to God and Him alone, but sometimes I don't tend to do that. I just keep sinking. I know in my soul that God sent me these little helpers to give me the little nudge I desperately needed to pull me back up. I am absolutely undeserving of His great love, but He showers me with it again and again anyway.

I thank all who pray for me.
I thank all who complimented me.
I thank all who are sharing your wisdom with me.
I know God led all of you to me.

Most of all, I thank God for loving me enough to not only send Jesus to die for me, but to continuously watch over me until I meet Him in the sky.
"Thank You Lord for Loving Me!"

Friday, October 29, 2010

The End of a Long, Tough Trip

Well...It's the end. It's actually almost over.
"It takes two to tango"....very popular phrase, though it seems that most people don't actually believe it.
I've made SOOOO many mistakes.
I've honestly tried to learn from them. Yes, I've repeated some..and repetetively repeated others. Not that I wanted to, it just happens sometimes. I guess because nobody is perfect.
ESPECIALLY NOT ME!

What I wanted more than anything else was just for him to care.
I better rephrase that...for him to care about me.
I guess that's just not going to happen.
Ever.

Would I be willing to work it out?
Yes.
Would he have to show some kind of effort first?
Yes.
Is that likely to happen?
NO.
Not
Ever.

WHY?
Because there has not been a time in recent years that (in his mind) he has done one single thing to contribute to the issues. It has been all me and my mistakes.
Do I admit my mistakes?
Yes.
Do I work hard to mend my shortcomings?
Most of the time.

Why is it so difficult to make a decision about something? Why is it so hard to admit that you're not perfect? Why would he rather spend his life alone or living in a sinful relationship than try to make things right? Why won't he try? Why is he too busy to talk to me?
People MAKE time for what's important to them.
Plain and simple.
Can a relationship actually work if the parties involved speak to each other less than once a month? Communicate with each other only via short, not so sweet texts and emails?
I don't believe so.
It has not been successful in this case anyway.

My spiritual life has suffered from this.
My soul is in excruciating pain.
I feel like a failure.
I've let God down. 
It is almost over.
Money is paid, process is underway.
I pray that I survive this.
It is overwhelming.
Pray for me
please.

Friday, September 3, 2010

"In the Field"

Good Morning Rainier!
It simply doesn't get much better than this!
Cool, crisp air fills the nostrils as the sun emerges to illuminate this sleeping giant. Who could ask for more?

The Class (above)
The Pro (below) 
Randall Hodges, professional photographer.
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.
This man's passion for the outdoors and capturing the essence of the beauty God placed before us in unparallelled. He gave attention to the group as a whole, as well as taking special care to individually instruct and assist each one present. Since my camera was LACKING greatly compared to all the rest...I had the privelage of being Randall's "shadow" in order to learn to operate a professional grade camera. I had it in my mind to obtain one prior to the class...but now that I've had the lesson, I am 100% hooked. I am obsessed with getting my Cannon 50D...
Randall taught me how to optimize my little Sony though, and I spent the rest of the weekend maxing out it's capabilities as I hiked around Rainier taking in God's artwork.

A beautiful buck!
Wildflowers
A snowy trail from the top.
Very questionable whether or not I wanted to brave this trail as it was VERY steep and slick. (duh!)
Okay...so I made it past the first little portion. You can see the many places along this path where people did slip and slide probably 20-30 feet though!
Here you can see how steep it actually was...and I caught someone who was in the process of sliding down the little glacier lol. (I probably would have been laughing had it been myself...so I can "lol"!)
I made it to the end of the snowy part!
My self-pic with the magnificent view behind me.
Another of natures very interesting creatures...a marmot catching some rays on a rock.
It was like he was posing for me!
All great things must come to an end and this day was no exception.
I found a marvelous spot to shoot sunset...unfortunately, my baby camera didn't capture it as well as I would have liked, but it did the best it could!

The next day I did make it to the opposite side...the North side of the mountain, but the weather was not near as cooperative. In fact, I hiked about 5 miles from the Sunrise parking area. When I left, it was 61 degrees. In the middle of my hike, the fog rolled in so quickly that I could only see the trail in front of me and not much else. It cleared periodically, but by the time I got back to the lodge, it was raining and 39 degrees! It was amazing to observe the fog rolling across the trail as quickly as it was. I've never seen anything like it! I have always layered up for my hikes and taken extra clothes and rain gear with me, but this is actually the first time I've had to use any of it! I took a few pix, but haven't managed to download them yet. They pale in comparison the those I've already shared...
Looking forward to my next "In the field" lesson with Randall!
(Hurry up May 2011!!)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Hitchin' a Ride

Working at night is so joyful!
It affords one the opportunity to get out and run errands during daylight hours, then NOT sleep before going back to work again!
Sometimes, in the course of one of these days, one might find something that sparks their interest, such as....
I know, I know....it's dangerous to consider this interesting...sorry, it just IS!

Who would have ever thought that there are actually numerous websites dedicated specifically for hitchhikers? Well, there are.
One could go on hitchhiker.org and find a trip they want to 'hitch a ride' on, hook up with the driver and just take off!
 Technology is Amazing.

Driving Mom to the airport first thing in the morning (or evening for a night worker) and then rushing back home to (not) sleep and prepare for work again the same night....that very interesting sight appears....
Without a thought, the car is on the shoulder with the flashers on.
Click, click, click...

"Where you headed?"
"Where are you headed?"
"Home haha"
"Can you take me to Sequim?" (Puts the HUGE backpack in the back seat & hops in.)
"Sure, I'm headed to PA & it's on the way"
(gets out the map) "Can I ride to PA with you?"
"No problem! Where are you coming from?"
"Everywhere. New York, California, South Dakota, Wyoming. Just checking out the country."
(Noticing the accent) "Where are you from?"
"Denmark."
"Nice! What brough you all the way here?"
"I've been accepted to University. I start in the fall in New York. I have a couple months off, so I'm making the most of it."
"What will you study?"
"The science of religion." 
"Do you plan to preach?"
"No, I'm not really into theology. Just the different religions and how they affect society. You are much more religious in the US than the people in Denmark."
"Do you believe in God?"
"I believe in something higher than myself."
"Well have you heard of Jesus?"
"Yes, I just don't know what I believe. What do you believe?"
"I believe that Jesus is God's Son, Who He sent to earth to live perfectly because mankind can't, and that He was hung on a cross to die so I can go to heaven some day."
"Interesting."

On and on and on.....
Eventually finding out that 20y/o Chris, from Denmark, was quite receptive to the Bible and it was a great opportunity to teach the love of God to a stranger. Planting seeds is our purpose here, right?

There are definitely dangers involved in picking up hitchhikers, but the benefit seems to greatly outweigh the risk.
Besides, while doing such a deed you may be unknowingly entertaining angels.

 So, the next time you see this.... 

Consider it an opportunity rather than a burden.
Stepping out on a limb can be scary, but I bet Jesus was scared too. 

Friday, July 30, 2010

All for numero ??uno??

First of all, I really don't consider myself to be 'numero uno' but most ppl know the saying...
So, I'm not into editing my posts, or explaining them so that people who choose to read my blog can understand them, but apparently there are times that we must clarify things for people to help them relax.

Rather than put my business 100% out in the open I speak much of the time in third person or code. It seems that you can write a bit more creatively that way. I don't really consider anyone else to be just like me, or feel that anyone else actually draws a parallel between me & themselves (or anyone else in the world,) but I suppose when you're really looking hard for something,
you can find it.

Anyway....just to clear the air for anyone who really wants to know....my blog is about me. M.E. ME!! I vent here. I blow off steam here.
I talk about my adventures here.
I talk about my struggles. I talk about my life.
I talk about my good qualities.
I bash myself when I am behaving pathetically.
There are some who read it and pray for me. (Thanks ^.~)

I think it's okay to have an awareness that pushes you into some
"self-bashing"
from time to time...too often may be a bit unhealthy, but occasionally could actually prove to be good for you? I don't know. I've ridden my rollercoaster for quite some time now, like...my whole life...so I think it has actually helped me when I realize how pathetic I am from time to time. If others care to draw parallels between me and them, I suppose that's their perogative....but when I'm self-bashing, it's fully intended for just that
--ME--
 and usually helps me to stop partaking in the behaviors that I'm bashing myself for doing.

If at any time someone happens upon my blog and decides that me writing about ME is offensive...my best suggestion is for them to stay off of my blog.
I write it for and about me!
(Well, and of course those who pray for me when I'm being pathetic.)

So....for all those ppl out in blog land who read this or any other blog...if you didn't like your visit, it seems that not repeating it is a superior idea.
Cheers!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

It's AMAZING
The old phrase; repetition, repetition, repetition....it's supposed to be the best way to learn something, right?
When we continue to do the same things over and over again, and get the same results...if those are positive results, reason would tell us to continue doing things exactly as we have been. When, however, the results are negative....repeatedly....it seems that we should possibly change our tactics.
Is this a difficult concept? Is this really all that hard to figure out?


SOME PEOPLE
Some ppl just don't get it. When someone says that they really don't like another, why does this one keep pursuing them? Is the chase that much fun?
 Why when someone makes it very clear that they'd really rather not talk to someone....ever....does that particular one hound them to no end until they talk to them just to get 'em off their back? Does it really make one feel good to know that that person is just appeasing them, but would NEVER have done it without being bombarded with such persistance? When someone doesn't get in contact with another first....EVER....why would one keep making the other miserable by hounding them anyway? What does this really accomplish?
Is there seriously that much of an illusion that one believes what they want to rather than the truth?  Is this real life or a fairy tale?


DOUBLE STANDARDS
When one wants someone else to leave them alone (completely), in fact leave their entire family alone...why does this one hound their family & friends? Or have little gossip sessions with people they really have no business talking to in the first place.
 Does this make one feel superior? Does one feel like they are doing harm to the other party in some way? Is it a power trip?
Is it satisfying?
Does it make one feel as though they're accomplishing something good?

FINALITY
What would be the final blow? What would it take for us to figure out that what we are doing will never accomplish anything? (At least not anything positive.)
When will we realize that this behavior does not show the peaceful and loving nature that Christ would have us show? Will it be when Christ actually comes back? 
Will it really take that long? (IF it will actually be a LONG time before He comes.)
What would it take?
Is it even possible for us to stop?
Can we ALL open our eyes to reality here?

Seriously!
'He's just not that into you!'
'Dangerous Liasons!'
'We Don't Live Here Anymore!'
'The End Of The Affair'
'The Story of Us'
Ummmmmm, it's O.V.E.R.
Deal with it and GO ON.....bye bye!