God's Amazing Creation

God's Amazing Creation

About Me

My photo
I love God!! I am a travelling RN working in labor & delivery. I have an AWESOME son & daughter in law and a brand new grandson! They will be fabulous parents because THEY are outstanding. I love the Seattle Seahawks...my favorite player hands down is Richard Sherman for a number of reasons. I love to draw portraits and I am dabbling with mixed media painting...I suppose I'm an artist! I love photography, but I'm a novice & am constantly practicing as I make my way through God's wonderful creation.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

What's Left Out?

I read several blogs in what spare time I can find. I have been thinking recently about really "spilling my guts" about some of the things I've been struggling with in my life. Ironically enough, a couple of the people whose blogs I read brought up this very topic.

What do we NOT blog about?
If people knew what was really happening in our lives, what would they think?
What is left out?

Not that it matters to me (all that much) what people think...but I would be lying if I said it didn't matter at all. I should be more concerned
about what God thinks, shouldn't I?
Most of the time when I'm "preaching" about something, I am preaching to myself first. It seems that in my pea brain, I feel like if I am struggling with something then I have the "authority" to talk about what can be done to fix it.

 Yeah, I'm NO expert on any subject except that of being at the top of the "Sinners" list. I try to get at least into the middle somewhere, but I fail every single time & manage to stay at the top.

I am trying ever so hard to work up the nerve to reach out to the blogger world and share some of these nagging troubles floating around in my head.
Today, I will simply ask for the prayers to find that strength and to begin facing some of my demons. It is something that is LONG overdue, and the more I put it off, the harder it becomes.

There is this very dark place where I often find myself...many times, I'm not sure how I ended up there, I just know that's where I am. I wander around here, wondering how I got here and how I'm going to get out...and it's typically a very long, very gradual process. I am not certain exactly how to articulate the emotions that flow while I'm stuck here, I just know I am low.

I "stole" this question from facebook yesterday....
What if you woke up today with ONLY what you thanked God for yesterday?

Did I leave anything out?

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Garbage In, Garbage Out

GIGO
What exactly does it mean?

According to Wikpedia, " It is used primarily to call attention to the fact that computers will unquestioningly process the most nonsensical of input data (garbage in) and produce nonsensical output (garbage out)."
"Garbage In, Gospel Out is a more recent expansion of the acronym. It is a sardonic comment on the tendency to put excessive trust in "computerized" data, and on the propensity for individuals to blindly accept what the computer says. Because the data goes through the computer, people tend to believe it."

Ok, fair enough. I always knew it was some kind of computer term, but never really looked to see exactly what it meant because when I hear the term, I think of something a bit different...

I read a story once called, "Brownies with a Difference" that goes like this:
Many parents are hard pressed to explain to their youth why some music, movies, books, and magazines are not acceptable material for them to bring into the home or to listen to or see. One parent came up with an original idea that is hard to refute.
The father listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular PG-13 movie. It had their favorite actors. Everyone else was seeing it. Even church members said it was great. It was only rated PG-13 because of the suggestion of sex--they never really showed it. The language was pretty good--the Lord's name was only used in vain three times in the whole movie. The teens did admit there was a scene where a building and a bunch of people were blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff. It wasn't too bad. And, even if there were a few minor things, the special effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed. However, even with all the justifications the teens made for the 13' rating, the father still wouldn't give in. He didn't even give his children a satisfactory explanation for saying, "No." He just said, "No!"


A little later on that evening the father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had baked. He explained that he'd taken the family's favorite recipe and added a little something new. The children asked what it was. The father calmly replied that he had added dog poop. However, he quickly assured them, it was only a little bit. All other ingredients were gourmet quality and he had taken great care to bake the brownies at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb. Even with their father's promise that the brownies were of almost perfect quality, the teens would not take any. The father acted surprised. After all, it was only one small part that was causing them to be so stubborn. He was certain they would hardly notice it. Still the teens held firm and would not try the brownies. The father then told his children how the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies.
Our minds trick us into believing that just a little bit of evil won't matter. But, the truth is even a little bit of poop makes the difference between a great treat and something disgusting and totally unacceptable. The father went on to explain that even though the movie industry would have us believe that most of today's movies are acceptable fare for adults and youth, they are not. Now, when this father's children want to see something that is of questionable material, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special dog poop brownies. That closes the subject.

I have used that story several times in youth devotionals and at Bible camp because it is so relevant today. I question whether it got through to anyone, and even I am guilty of allowing myself to indulge in "a little poop" more regularly than I'd like to admit. I'm not getting all 'hard core' and trying to get anyone to place themselves in a bubble.  My own son will tell you that for the first half of his life I attempted to do just that. (oops)  Let's face it, there is plenty of GARBAGE that we will be encountered with every single day, right? The older I get (and man, it's happening so fast!!) the more I realize that it's what you choose to 'feed' yourself that makes the difference and not necessarily what you inadvertently encounter in the world. Boy, Satan is soooooo good at dangling the things you are most tempted with right in front of you though, isn't he? (1Peter 5:8)

Another analogy I have used is the one from the book by "Jerry Rankin" called, Spiritual Warfare- :The man said to the missionary, “Ever since I gave my life to Christ I feel like there are two dogs fighting within me. There is an evil dog that wants me to return to my old habits and a good dog that wants me to live right.” The missionary asked, “Which one is winning?” The man paused for a moment and replied, “The one I feed.” It’s just that simple. It is not something beyond our control. It’s something we can choose to do, either to walk in the Spirit or not. (Page 125)


If we decide that we are going to watch movies & read material that is packed with extramarital sex, language and other unclean (according to the Word) things, if we choose to hang out regularly with people with filthy language &/or habits, listen to &/or tell dirty jokes & don't strive to live for God....guess what?
IT WILL MANIFEST ITSELF IN OUR BEHAVIOR EVENTUALLY!
Oh. Yes. It. Will!!
What you put in IS going to come out, period.
Even in the most physical sense, what we feed ourselves makes a huge difference in our overall health! How much more does it effect our attitude & our reverence to God when we indulge, shovelling trash into our minds rather than pure and spiritual content?

This is where my mind takes me when I hear the term, "Garbage In, Garbage Out."

What are you eating?



Tuesday, June 21, 2011

It's Who Ya Know

They start showing up around 2pm. Some run toward their cabins having just checked in they're excited to have exactly the counsellor they asked for. For some, it's their first time and they are a bit more skeptical...just a lil nervous to meet those they will be spending 24/7 with for then next week. Oblivious to the fact that they will leave a better person than they currently are as they stand in the doorway and choose their bunk.
It's HOT.
It's sticky.
Mosquitos, gnats, spiders, flies, beetles, bees, snakes...
CRITTERS galore!
Some bring buddies, some don't.
Each and every one will have at least one item they can't live without. A keepsake of sorts, a special pillow, a stuffed animal, a photograph.
Everyone will have their sword.

I didn't spend yesterday unpacking my things, setting up my cabin and my bunk, greeting my return campers, making my new campers feel welcomed.
No, I didn't spend months preparing devotionals that pertain to the 'topic' of the week, praying that all I do for the next week will bring at least just one soul closer to my Lord.
For the first time since 1996 I am not spending the entire week engulfed in prayer, laughter, songs of praise...

WHY?

It's who ya know.

Sounds a little contrary, huh? I mean it's Bible camp, right? Why does who you know matter? It's not like a communist community or some kind of dictatorship, is it?
Hmmmmm.
You wouldn't think that's how things work within the church, would ya?
Well guess what??
That's EXACTLY how it works.
Of course it does depend somewhat on the part of the US in which you live.

It would have been more understandable had it been due to the fact that I can't remain in the lives of my campers as closely...or because there REALLY wasn't enough room for another ADULT counsellor...but that is completely bogus.
What's the REAL reason I'm missing out on the one week I look forward to more than any other week of the year? The week where although I am 100% emotionally and quite physically spent by the end?
Seriously?

Someone I know.
That's it, you say?
Well....the someone I know (a grudge holder) is related to another someone who went to high school with the NEW boss' spouse...so in a roundabout way, yes, that's it.

Are we all Christians? Yes, supposedly we are.
Do we all behave as such? I believe we all try to. No one is perfect, so of course we don't succeed all the time, but I'm sure we do our best.
Can you find it in the Bible anywhere that if you offer to give your time to serve God doing something that you absolutely LOVE to do that another person can tell you, "No, I'm sorry you can't do that." ?? I looked and so far I have not been able to find it anywhere.
Well in THAT part of the country, it's all in who you know, who you're related to, who you went to high school with, etc etc etc.
It's sad when you have your excited campers asking you which cabin will be yours this year and you have to tell them,
"I'm sorry, I won't be there this year because they decided to put a teenager in my place, denying me the opportunity to love and serve you this week"...
OK, I didn't really SAY that, but I had to explain that I wouldn't be there :(

I can serve God where I am, and I will.
There is Bible Camp in this part of the country too...and I bet they don't function quite the same way. It matters not which family tree you show up on or who your friends from high school are. If you call yourself a Christian, that means you belong to the family of God and NO ONE can deny you the right to serve Him. Are we worthy? NO, not at all.

Luke 18:9-14 9 And he spake also this parable unto certain who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and set all others at nought: 10 Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. 11 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as the rest of men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. 12 I fast twice in the week; I give tithes of all that I get. 13 But the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote his breast, saying, God, be thou merciful to me a sinner. 14 I say unto you, This man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be humbled; but he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

It IS who you know...and I know my Lord, my Savior, my God.
What more could I ask for?

I pray that my sweet young campers have a wonderfully spiritual week. That they draw near to the Lord. I pray that souls may be opened and souls may be saved. I pray that He watch over all those involved this week and that He speak to each one in His own way. I pray all remain safe and well. I pray His great blessings on the efforts this week and that all come away with a more intimate knowledge of our loving and powerful Lord.










Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Many Faces of My Dad

 October 4th, 1947-December 12th, 2008
I miss him so much.

Every childhood memory I can muster includes this great man,
He was superior in every aspect of his life, including career, athletics and character.
If he had a goal in mind, you can bet it would be accomplished.
He was an "all or nothing" human being.

Observing him in action was a sight to behold...


Yes, FUN easily could have been his middle name...




From birth, he was always very attentive....


Made a special effort (not) to "color within the lines"....



An avid animal lover...and...imitator....lol



A jokester from his demeaner, to his wardrobe...



Sense of humor? I'd say so!!
A true joy to have had in my life...



A true child at heart...


Could dish it out, and take it just as well...


Had his favorites....(the chair and the shirt lol)

In case you can't read it, the shirt says, "I beat anorexia".

Best of all, he was a man after God's heart which means that although I miss him terribly, I will see him again one day on the other side!


At his baptism in the Jordan river.

Happy Father's Day Dad!
I sure do miss you.










Wednesday, June 15, 2011

BE-attitude

Among my favorite passages is the 'sermon on the mount' found in Matthew Chapter 5. As I struggle to behave as a Christian ought to, I can go back to this passage and use it as a foundation to follow. Christ was teaching Jewish Christians that what mattered most was not so much that they went through the motions to follow the law to the letter, but the attitude that was driving these actions. My attitude is the number one thing I struggle with as I putter through this life.

Matthew 5

1 And seeing the multitudes, He went up into the mountain: and when He had sat down, His disciples came unto him: 2 and He opened His mouth and taught them, saying,
3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

"Poor in spirit"? A complete emptying of the 'self' part of myself. A realization that I am 100% dependant on God, that without Him, I am absolutely nothing. This must be the foundation on which all other thoughts are based. Easy to say, very tough to do.
4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

"Mourn"? As I look at the world around me and note the corruption and see how far from God we are as a whole, it should cause me to 'mourn.' Not only society, but myself specifically. As David said in Psalm 51:3: "For I know my transgressions; And my sin is ever before me." 10: Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me. 11: Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy Holy Spirit from me."
It should make me mourn when I think about the sinner that I am and that against God and Him alone am I transgressing.

5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

Sad that in our world today meekness is not seen as a strength, but as a weakness. We are so filled with pride that we somehow believe we have to "one up" our fellow man in order to be of some value when in fact we ought to empty ourselves and place our neighbor's needs above our own. We have to swallow that pride in order to become meek.

6 Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

How much time do I waste in a day? A week? A month? WAY too much. How much time do I spend searching His word in order to draw closer to Him? Not near enough. If I am truly hungry and thirsty for righteousness, then I ought to be continually reading scripture and learning how He intends for me to behave. Righteousness is found ONLY in Him.

7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

Being merciful is 180 degrees from human nature. We hold grudges, we remember the negative, we even read negative into things that may not have been intended as such. (I suppose I should not speak for people as a whole, I can replace the 'we' with 'I')
He was merciful enough to send Christ to die an excruciating death to save me, a full blown sinner. Did I deserve it? Not a chance. So why is it so hard for me to be merciful?

8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

Pure in heart. What an awesome quality! When I think about this concept, I envision a child. Who is purer in heart than a child? Children don't pick up on the inuendos in music and films. Children don't insult...they may be painfully honest, but never with the intention of harming another, they just know no other way to be! Children don't read negative into things we say to them. Children accept things at face value, they don't expect anything from anyone. They are loving to all regardless of race, religion, male or female, spotted past, etc.. They are forgiving in an instant.
OH to be pure in heart! OH to see the world as a child sees it!

9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called sons of God.

Who are the peacemakers in this world?
Those who take the gospel to everyone they meet! What a greater source of peace than to know that our Lord, our Father has a place reserved for us in heaven? What could give you more peace than to know that for certain?  

10 Blessed are they that have been persecuted for righteousness' sake:
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Persecution. Quite a topic and one we as Americans really know very little about. Sure, we may face a little ridicule when we don't laugh at a dirty joke, or when we choose not to participate in questionable activities...but come on, REAL persecution? No, we are not exposed to that here. When we read about the treatment of Christians in other countries we are appalled. Yet, sometimes we go along with things or remain silent just to "fit in" or to prevent "rocking the boat". Shame on us (ME!)

11 Blessed are ye when men shall reproach you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets that were before you.

This "persecution" should cause us to rejoice?! That is so foreign to the "Take care of Number One" attitude that has permeated today's society. We feel slighted if a single unkind word is spoken of us, regardless of the reason...but especially if we are doing what is right in the sight of God!! How dare someone speak evil of me? Yet He tells us to rejoice in this! Another difficult attitude to take on in my day to day life. 

13 Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost its savor, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing,
but to be cast out and trodden under foot of men.

Salt preserves. Salt adds flavor. Salt must remain different in order to do this. If I do not stand out in this world then I am no longer good for anything?
I should NOT blend in. Others should be able to look at me and realize that I am living for Christ. If I blend in, something is wrong. The more of the world that I allow in, the more dilute I become until I'm undetectable all together. If I get to that point, obviously
I'm not living right. I've lost my savor. 

14 Ye are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hid.
Neither do men light a lamp, and put it under the bushel, but on the stand; and it shineth unto all that are in the house. 16 Even so let your light shine before men; that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

Of course, I do not want to "toot my own horn" as I let my light shine. Just as with the salt, I need to stand out or something is wrong. I should be noticable as a Christian giving God the glory all the while. If I am reflecting Christ, I should shine BRIGHT!!

17 Think not that I came to destroy the law or the prophets:
I came not to destroy, but to fulfil.
18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass away from the law, till all things be accomplished.

19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
20 For I say unto you, that except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no wise enter into the kingdom of heaven.

I don't want to be a Pharisee, standing on the sideline, passing judgement on those whom I don't believe have gotten it just right, exhaulting myself above my fellow man, thinking in my heart that I'm "better" than they are because I went through the "proper" steps! NO! 
I want to have the attitude that Christ described as he began this sermon! 
Praying and working hard to BE the way Christ instructed.
This must be my foundation.
So thankful to my Lord for what He did for me.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

The Mustard Seed


Matthew 17:20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

Luke 13:19 It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it.

Luke 17:6  And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.

So I ask myself, do I have enough faith to take each day as it comes and do my very best to portray Christ through my words, my actions, my attitude?

Do I have the faith of a mustard seed?
Do you?


People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.

 

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.

Do it for Him...
He did it for you.















Saturday, June 11, 2011

A Little Poem for the Weekend ;)


That about says it all!

It's all about perspective and in my eyes,

LIFE IS GREAT!

Blessings ;)

Friday, June 10, 2011

Lyrics of Love and Lore: Guide For Men Who Have Cheated and Been Caught......

Lyrics of Love and Lore: Guide For Men Who Have Cheated and Been Caught......


Haha...I HAD to share this (Click on link above to read), since it was actually a man who blogged it!

Having been on the receiving end numerous times, as well as experience with being the "other woman"...
SIDE NOTE: I would NEVER, I repeat, NEVER (I know you're not supposed to use that word, but I sincerely mean it!) been in that position knowingly or willingly. I was led to believe a LIE from the start and after doing some investigating after the fact (wrong time, I know)...come to find out: while I was "the other woman" I was being lied to the entire time so I didn't realize to what extent I really was "the other woman" because I was repeatedly assured that I was the ONLY woman mentally, physically, etc etc., that they simply "co-existed in the same house" and had been for years but had stopped being intimate or acting married, that he was just waiting for the divorce paperwork to be finalized. I was daily (& then some) being told that he was "already gone" and that he was just being a 'nice, responsible guy' by letting her live in part of his house (which isn't even really his LOL) helping her get on her feet so she could be independent financially before he left because he "loved his kids so much"...blah blah blah. Yeah, dude was smooth let me tell ya. I only realized later how incredibly stupid and gullible I must have looked to him, and how much fun he must have had playing with my head. Oh well, we live and learn, right? Yeah I used to smile when I thought about him, you know because we were "so in love" BAHAHAHA! Oh, I smile when I think about it now too...because he is so pathetic.

Anyway, I told Clint (my fellow blogger who posted the "Guide") that he needed to add: "Don't allow the current woman and the "other woman" to communicate---keep them apart at all cost! Block their emails and phone numbers so they can't compare notes! If they are ever allowed to speak or communicate in any way, then even MORE lies will be exposed!! LOL!

SIDE NOTE: After the fact during my investigation, it was revealed that the dude had been lying through his teeth the whole time, this was not the first time he'd done it, (sadly for her, it probably won't be the last either) he called us both the same pet name, (I had specifically asked if he'd EVER called ANYONE that before & of course he said, "no way"), he bought us the exact same gifts at the same times..Christmas & Valentine's day (maybe he got 2 for 1?), he had never ceased intimacy with the wife (who he had never really planned to divorce; hmmm, tough to be waiting for it to be final when it was never started, huh?) among many many other untruths.

I'm a straight shooter, therefore I was honest the whole time. I don't know any other way to be--so once facts started to surface and he was confronted? He told her that I was just saying those things so I could "break them up" because I wanted him. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! All part of the "pathetic-ness." PLEASE! For someone so smooth, you'd think that they would be self aware enough to know that although they paint a pretty picture of themselves, since it's just a bunch of lies, they're nothing special at all! I figured he'd have realized that when I said I "HATE" being lied to & that it was a deal breaker, I meant it! I suppose it's tough when you are a perpetual liar to actually believe that some people really are honest. Trust issues? HAHA, yeah, I'd say so.

It's all good now...GREAT actually--between my totally jacked up marriage and experiences such as these, I have lotsa spare knowledge under my belt, I count it all as lessons learned...actually get a kick out of it now & would be glad to swap stories any old time lol. I really didn't mean to be so long winded, but when I told my friend that I'm a "man hater" and this was the exact type of man I hate, which most likely consists of at least 95% of those with a "Y" chromosome worldwide, I meant that too & I guess it strikes a nerve with me LOL.

Next post will be a bit more friendly haha.
Blessings!!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Go Ahead, Make My Day!!

I have been away from my computer for a week or so. I came back & was catching up on my favorite blogs, when I found that I had been given the "Stylish Blogger Award"!
Yes, that made my day. The little things make me smile :)))

I understand that it is an unwritten rule that when you receive this award, you are requested (not obligated) to list 7 things about yourself that are not well known. This will be a tough one for me since I wear my feelings on my sleeves & I spout off at the mouth a bit too often...but I'll give it a shot.

  1. I am an RN. Before I started nursing school, as I sat with my newborn baby and pondered different professions, I was torn between becoming a nurse or a lawyer. Were either of these my first career choices? No. I wanted to be a truck driver. I LOVE road trips and that, I thought, would have been the ultimate life, a perpetual road trip. HA! Thank goodness I was bouncing a baby boy on my knee, helping me make wiser decisions!
  2. I've made TONS of mistakes, as if that's news to anyone. What do I believe to be the biggest ever? Letting go of my baby boy's Daddy. He was a keeper and I was too stupid and independent to realize it. Turns out that my boy is just like his Daddy though because they grew up in similar situations even though they first "connected" when he was 17! They have been crazy about each other ever since! My boy's other Momma (his Daddy's wife) is an absolutely beautiful, wonderful woman too, so my boy is in good hands regardless of where he happens to be.  God works in mysterious ways, huh?
  3. I spent a couple years in the Arkansas Department of Correction prior to saying my vows. (Saying those? Yes, my second biggest mistake) No, I was not incarcerated, I was working in the infirmaries and detention centers as a nurse. ;)
  4. I went to Guyana, South America on 5 separate occasions teaching God's word to those who had never heard it before. It was the most humbling experience of my life. I don't believe you can describe poverty until you have actually seen it with your own eyes, and the funny thing is that they will give you the shirt off their back if they believe it will benefit you. We Americans are awefully rich and we just don't realize or appreciate it.
  5. I was a sprinter & a shot put and discus thrower in jr high and the first years of high school. I did not graduate from H.S., but I believe that if I had, I could have been a college thrower. I threw the discus 125 feet my sophomore year of H.S. and apparently, having watched several college track meets, that's pretty far. I never quite broke the 60 second mark in the 400. It was my goal & I was closing in. Lovely that I can live vicariously through my son, huh?
  6. I have never stayed in one residence longer than 5 years since I was born. I attended 5 grade schools, 2 jr highs, & 5 high schools. I guess I'm a ramblin' woman?
  7. I am a die hard animal lover. I was bitten across the forehead by a german shepherd when I was about 5, then when I was 9 my babysitter's black lab ripped my hip open through my jeans for no apparent reason. I LOVE dogs. The first time I rode a horse, about 10ish, it decided to RUN back toward the stable, but on the way it found a picnic table where it thought I should stay so it stopped dead in it's tracks & threw me off. I LOVE horses. There is a pattern there....I won't go into it though, let's just say I'm a glutton for punishment ;) 

So there you have it...7 things some knew & some didn't but now you all do!
Thank you again for passing this award on to me.
I feel special.
<3

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Trapped

Pray without ceasing.
I grew up in a home where both physical and emotional abuse was the 'norm'. I don't believe I would have found it odd had I observed the same in one of my friends' houses because I was so used to it myself, in fact, I figured that my friends' parents were simply on their best behavior just because they had company.
Please don't think, even for a second, that I hold any grudges or that I even feel any ill effects from it because I don't. I am aware that it taught me some valuable lessons (or should have), and in case you have not been reading my blog long, when my Dad died 2 1/2 years ago, he was my hero. People can change. With God, all things are possible! Which brings me to the point of this entry: being "trapped."

After my parents divorced when I was 12, I watched my Mother become involved in one, then another similar situation to the one she was in with my Dad. These men used terror to beat her into submission. They demeaned her and broke her down, making her feel like she was not worth anything. I suffered plenty of abuse during my first 13 years only to be abused in the worst way by Mom's second husband. About that time, I went a bit nutso and bounced between parents awhile, spent time in a facility for "troubled teens" & then was tossed into the foster care system, both of which I ran away from. I refused to be imprisoned by these strangers. I've always been quite strong willed and these people & their sterile rooms didn't seem much better than the homes I was being raised in initially, at least not to me.
Once Mom escaped (literally) from her second husband, she gravitated to another much like him. They always seemed to be just sugary sweet initially, making promises, lavishing her with gifts, telling her how lucky they were to have her, blah blah blah. Almost immediately after the wedding bells ring, they transformed into monsters, terrorizing her, controlling her every move, either insisting that she stay home and not work so they can watch over her or that she go to work so they can stay home and do absolutely nothing, yet expecting her to answer the phone on the first ring, be out the office door at 5pm on the nose, be in the kitchen making dinner as fast as humanly possible, bring them their coffee in bed, etc. etc.. Some of these things may be okay if they were agreed upon and not forced.

You would think that I would be smart enough to stay away from these types of men myself and that I would see right through someone who is controlling and mean, right? That I would not make 'excuses' for a man who has these traits or even consider becoming involved with him, let alone agree to marry him. I know that statistics say a girl will choose a man who is just like her father, or that family patterns tend to repeat themselves but I SO wanted to break that pattern! I'm not going to get into any detail about my ex-husband except to say that it was quite apparent to me very soon after our wedding bells rang that I had made a monumental mistake. He was never physically abusive, but 100% mental. He attempted to make both my son and I feel worthless every single day. Sticking it out for 16 years was trying at best. My son, 19 1/2 now, certainly felt the effects as he grew up. His personality is very much like my own, therefore he was fairly resilient to it. He asked me several times why I stayed so long and all I could say was that God did not want people to divorce so I was determined to make it work. Now that we are apart, we actually get along to some degree. Amazing how that tends to happen, huh? He treats my son with a little respect now as well. He holds to the fact that it was all my fault (of course) and that he never did anything wrong. I've made my peace with God over it and will answer for it to Him one day.

Does God really expect someone (man or woman) to remain in an abusive relationship? Is it okay for one of the parties in a marriage to use their spouse or children as punching bags? Is it okay for one spouse to have other men/women on the side? Is it okay for one spouse to demean and belittle the other and/or the children?
I DON'T THINK SO!
I can't find it in my Bible anywhere as an example. God wants both parties to show each other mutual respect. Yes, sometimes one will possibly mess up. Don't we all? If we repent, then God forgives us therefore our spouse should as well.
What if it's a repetative pattern?
"If you fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me!"

I began this entry with a statement, "Pray without ceasing."

I want to send out a plea for prayers. I know of a woman who is in this very type of situation. I can't help but see the parallels between her situation and my Mom's or my own. She is a good woman, struggling to be the best possible Christian wife and mother she can. I'm sure, just as I mentioned, that she has made mistakes along the way as we all have. She is a forgiving woman, willing to take her...sneaky, abusive husband back time after time. Pray that God will guide her to the place He wants her to be. If that place is where she is now, please pray that God will remove the abusive spirit out of her husband so he will treat her like a queen. Pray that the controlling spirit in him will transform into one of love and understanding. Pray that he stays faithful to her like she is to him. Pray that their children may be raised in a loving, Christian home and that they suffer no ill effects from what they have had to witness up to this point. May God take their family under his wing and heal it, making it stronger than ever. She deserves the best. I don't want her to be trapped, I want her to feel loved and worthy because she is an amazing, beautiful woman.
Thank you for your prayers.
Blessings!!