- SweetMother ;)
- I love God!! I am a travelling RN working in labor & delivery. I have an AWESOME son & daughter in law and a brand new grandson! They will be fabulous parents because THEY are outstanding. I love the Seattle Seahawks...my favorite player hands down is Richard Sherman for a number of reasons. I love to draw portraits and I am dabbling with mixed media painting...I suppose I'm an artist! I love photography, but I'm a novice & am constantly practicing as I make my way through God's wonderful creation.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Pray without ceasing.
I grew up in a home where both physical and emotional abuse was the 'norm'. I don't believe I would have found it odd had I observed the same in one of my friends' houses because I was so used to it myself, in fact, I figured that my friends' parents were simply on their best behavior just because they had company.
Please don't think, even for a second, that I hold any grudges or that I even feel any ill effects from it because I don't. I am aware that it taught me some valuable lessons (or should have), and in case you have not been reading my blog long, when my Dad died 2 1/2 years ago, he was my hero. People can change. With God, all things are possible! Which brings me to the point of this entry: being "trapped."
After my parents divorced when I was 12, I watched my Mother become involved in one, then another similar situation to the one she was in with my Dad. These men used terror to beat her into submission. They demeaned her and broke her down, making her feel like she was not worth anything. I suffered plenty of abuse during my first 13 years only to be abused in the worst way by Mom's second husband. About that time, I went a bit nutso and bounced between parents awhile, spent time in a facility for "troubled teens" & then was tossed into the foster care system, both of which I ran away from. I refused to be imprisoned by these strangers. I've always been quite strong willed and these people & their sterile rooms didn't seem much better than the homes I was being raised in initially, at least not to me.
Once Mom escaped (literally) from her second husband, she gravitated to another much like him. They always seemed to be just sugary sweet initially, making promises, lavishing her with gifts, telling her how lucky they were to have her, blah blah blah. Almost immediately after the wedding bells ring, they transformed into monsters, terrorizing her, controlling her every move, either insisting that she stay home and not work so they can watch over her or that she go to work so they can stay home and do absolutely nothing, yet expecting her to answer the phone on the first ring, be out the office door at 5pm on the nose, be in the kitchen making dinner as fast as humanly possible, bring them their coffee in bed, etc. etc.. Some of these things may be okay if they were agreed upon and not forced.
You would think that I would be smart enough to stay away from these types of men myself and that I would see right through someone who is controlling and mean, right? That I would not make 'excuses' for a man who has these traits or even consider becoming involved with him, let alone agree to marry him. I know that statistics say a girl will choose a man who is just like her father, or that family patterns tend to repeat themselves but I SO wanted to break that pattern! I'm not going to get into any detail about my ex-husband except to say that it was quite apparent to me very soon after our wedding bells rang that I had made a monumental mistake. He was never physically abusive, but 100% mental. He attempted to make both my son and I feel worthless every single day. Sticking it out for 16 years was trying at best. My son, 19 1/2 now, certainly felt the effects as he grew up. His personality is very much like my own, therefore he was fairly resilient to it. He asked me several times why I stayed so long and all I could say was that God did not want people to divorce so I was determined to make it work. Now that we are apart, we actually get along to some degree. Amazing how that tends to happen, huh? He treats my son with a little respect now as well. He holds to the fact that it was all my fault (of course) and that he never did anything wrong. I've made my peace with God over it and will answer for it to Him one day.
Does God really expect someone (man or woman) to remain in an abusive relationship? Is it okay for one of the parties in a marriage to use their spouse or children as punching bags? Is it okay for one spouse to have other men/women on the side? Is it okay for one spouse to demean and belittle the other and/or the children?
I DON'T THINK SO!
I can't find it in my Bible anywhere as an example. God wants both parties to show each other mutual respect. Yes, sometimes one will possibly mess up. Don't we all? If we repent, then God forgives us therefore our spouse should as well.
What if it's a repetative pattern?
"If you fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me!"
I began this entry with a statement, "Pray without ceasing."
I want to send out a plea for prayers. I know of a woman who is in this very type of situation. I can't help but see the parallels between her situation and my Mom's or my own. She is a good woman, struggling to be the best possible Christian wife and mother she can. I'm sure, just as I mentioned, that she has made mistakes along the way as we all have. She is a forgiving woman, willing to take her...sneaky, abusive husband back time after time. Pray that God will guide her to the place He wants her to be. If that place is where she is now, please pray that God will remove the abusive spirit out of her husband so he will treat her like a queen. Pray that the controlling spirit in him will transform into one of love and understanding. Pray that he stays faithful to her like she is to him. Pray that their children may be raised in a loving, Christian home and that they suffer no ill effects from what they have had to witness up to this point. May God take their family under his wing and heal it, making it stronger than ever. She deserves the best. I don't want her to be trapped, I want her to feel loved and worthy because she is an amazing, beautiful woman.
Thank you for your prayers.