- SweetMother ;)
- I love God!! I am a travelling RN working in labor & delivery. I have an AWESOME son & daughter in law and a brand new grandson! They will be fabulous parents because THEY are outstanding. I love the Seattle Seahawks...my favorite player hands down is Richard Sherman for a number of reasons. I love to draw portraits and I am dabbling with mixed media painting...I suppose I'm an artist! I love photography, but I'm a novice & am constantly practicing as I make my way through God's wonderful creation.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Past and Present
It's crazy how I can look back on so many different situations in my life and realize that I have managed to push SO many people away. Good people. People who loved me.
I believe in my heart that I have stopped doing that now...but at the same time,
I do not easily get close to anyone.
I have only really allowed one person to actually get close in recent years, and that bit me pretty hard. I consider myself to be intelligent enough to learn from my mistakes, and the fact that I made that one doesn't bother me in the slightest anymore. I simply chalk it up to the fact that I had a lot of changes happening in my life all at once and
I was in a vulnerable place.
The snakes...they know exactly when to prey on the the weak and how to target the strong when we're down, don't they? It's cool though, because they'll get
what they've got coming.
I have re-connected with some of the friends I had back in my younger days. I have kept in sketchy touch with them over the years, but recently have talked a lot more to some of them. They are all long distance, of course, so that helps me feel "safe" I suppose. I really really miss the close friendships I had. I am so glad that they have forgiven me for my shortcomings and shallowness and seem to love me just the same as ever. I saw one of them in person in August and am planning to go see another after the Holidays. I can not wait. I almost have butterflies in my belly just thinking about it!!
I just had the conversation with my sweet baby boy about how nearly ALL of the people I talk to nowadays are on line. Most of them I have never met, and I'm okay with that. It amazes me the avenues that the internet opens up for me. Like I said in my previous post, I am really happy to be able to network with people who are fellow artists. I love getting ideas from them, having the chance to share stories and even exchange art work. It's a real blessing for me.
It seems that creative people (at least the ones I have 'met') have a similar pattern of emotions as I do...the roller coaster type mood swings, for example.
At one end of the spectrum there are times when I am on top of the world and those are the times when I seem to be really cranking out art work. I'm happy, I talk a lot, I don't mind receiving phone calls, emails or messages. The opposite end is when I can just barely make myself get out of bed, I have frequent migraines, and I have a creative block and can't seem to get anything onto paper, canvas or even write any words. Those seem to be the times when I neglect my blog and my blogger, FB, Twitter & Etsy friends and just hide in the cave of my mind waiting for it to go away so I can feel good again.
I don't know positively that everyone goes to such extremes, but most of them have discussed the "down" time and the "block" that goes with it. It may be assuming too much to believe that every creative person has as jacked up a brain as I do, but hey...
I suppose I'm a little narcissistic sometimes.
I do have ONE good friend here who was sort of an "instant friend" when we met. We are the same age, we are both artistic and although our backgrounds are totally different, we can just hang out together and be comfortable. Like family. She's wonderful & I love her.
I really appreciate being back 'home' and being able to really be myself. I was so very happy to get out of the South where people play nice to your face, then immediately go and gossip to whoever will listen about what a sinner you are...or whatever they can come up with to gossip about.
DON'T GET ME WRONG!!!
I'm not stereotyping every person in the South because I do know some super great people from there, some are my current on line buds! I'm just saying that the vast majority of those I met and believed were my friends, were really stabbing me in the back the whole time I lived there and I didn't even know it until I went through my divorce.
I'm happy to be aware now.
I'm glad I am in a place where most people are real. Not afraid to say it like it is...and once they do, it's out in the open and we can still be friends afterward.
I'm trying to practice the little poem at the beginning of this post!
I'm getting closer to picking out a house that I like, by the way...I'll share pix once I decide and get approved.
Thanks for the prayers!